Birth control as the downfall of society was the thesis of an hour lecture I heard by a pastor who I generally find edifying. In this case however, he threw himself full force into embracing the sins of traditionalism, as unfortunately the vast quantity of Christian counsel on sex, dating, and romance does. While this lecture claims biblical authority, it hardly even references scripture; because in fact, there is no scriptural basis for shunning childlessness, only traditional secular ideas as opposed to modern secular ones. This leads to not only un-biblical advice, but anti-biblical teaching, from many esteemed pastors, and likely yours. (Of course, there is an opposing side which throws itself full force into the sins of modernity, however I'm far less familiar with the particular "Christian" skin of this secular counsel, and will leave it to someone better suited to address those nuances, while addressing outright modern secular distortions on the discourse.) If the response to birth control or anything else is “new= sinful, and degrading to our most sacred institutions” that is an assumption that has to be tested biblically, not accepted unchallenged. We must be just as careful to not call good things bad as vice versa (Acts 10:14-15, Matt 5:22). The Bible is a book for all people, places, and times in history, including after new technologies such as birth control exist. If confronting tradition by accepting the uncircumcision of the Gentiles was difficult but appropriate for the first Christians (Acts 15:1-12), how is dismissing birth control out of hand biblically recommended? (All human life is sacred, I am of course, referring to non-abortive birth control, vasectomies seem most practical.) Making such assumptions is an appalling error to make when giving counsel on topics scripture does not have clearly defined prescriptions for (James 3:1-5). Prescribing your own advice and absolutizing it is like unto it, and takes God’s name in vain in a more serious way than a thug on the street’s coarse language ever will. Believing in the sufficiency and authority of scripture means you must correct for your bias, (your heart is deceitful and desperately wicked too, Jer 17:9). Tradition and new ideas alike must be challenged by passing through the whole body of scripture. 1 Corinthians 7 and Matthew 19 blatantly state that marriage isn’t even the course of life biblically prioritized, being celibate is. Christ and the Apostle Paul, the two most significant figures in the New Testament, were both examples of this lifestyle. Augustine, the pre-eminent Christian of the next generation, and Luther launching the Reformation shared in this lifestyle as well. If that’s the case, why is marriage what’s celebrated, "defended" in politics & culture, taught as the default path for Christians, and made the basis for community & programming in churches? At the same time, why are singles pushed towards marriage, with “the gift of singlehood” being sequestered as some sort of unfortunate consolation prize, or joke? Because that's the message of the cultural layer of family and tradition most churches are deeply intertwined with. Unfortunately, this is bred into church culture such that “family values” is a more identifiable message than Christians having mastery of over sinful passions, joy and purpose that transcend circumstances, or the legendary love for one another that really tells people whose disciples we are. Matthew 12:46-50 makes it clear what the priority should be: While He was still talking to the multitudes, behold, His mother and brothers stood outside, seeking to speak with Him. Then one said to Him, “Look, Your mother and Your brothers are standing outside, seeking to speak with You.” But He answered and said to the one who told Him, “Who is My mother and who are My brothers?” And He stretched out His hand toward His disciples and said, “Here are My mother and My brothers! For whoever does the will of My Father in heaven is My brother and sister and mother.” Family and marriage are good things. Like all good things, we tend to make idols of them, and much like “All I need is Jesus and coffee” it’s repulsive idolatry to put anything else on God’s level. Jesus + X= salvation/what you need/what’s important= false gospel. Family, marriage, and all other good things we import from our personal beliefs as valuable must be crucified daily (Phil 3:3-7, 1 John 1:8) in order to be regenerated through the teaching of scripture to their proper place in life. “Be fruitful and multiply” and “children are a gift from the Lord, blessed is the man with his quiver full” are the scriptures quoted to enshrine childbearing as a part of marriage. However, the same people who quote them to me also tell me to “have a good day” and when I reply “How much will you charge me if I don’t?” they in varying words tell me it wasn’t a command, it was a benediction. It would be equally absurd to take “Live long, and prosper” as a command that was disobeyed by someone sacrificially dying to save others. “Be fruitful and multiply” is a benediction, it does not come close to anything in the 10 Commandments or any others. Moreover, it was given to Adam, Noah, and their respective wives. Hosea was told to marry a prostitute, and yet this is not commanded or commended in any teaching I’ve found, leading me to wonder at the nature of which prescriptions for another’s life ought to be authoritative for mine. As for children being a gift, there are many viable responses. One I would accept as totally valid is “I’m not sure why yet. I don’t think kids are for me, despite realizing their spiritual benefits. I think I have other strengths.” Mine is that in order to avoid a first-class/second class distinction, I would rather work completely with others’ children. Those with their own children necessarily become respecters of persons in this ministry. I do not choose to put myself between that same rock and hard place. My gift is the children of others, particularly those whose parents lost/neglected them. I think more people should recognize this aspect of children’s ministry and the impact singles/childless couples can have. In C.S. Lewis’ analysis of 1 Corinthians 7, he pointed out that the obligations of marriage in “being concerned with the affairs of this word” were almost exclusively tied to the work of child-rearing. He would know, given he spent most of his life single, as the best Christian writer of his century, and then adopted children when he got married. In light of “it is better to marry than burn,” why is it so hard for Christians to embrace birth control as a means to furthering the gospel? By allowing them to have biblical marriages with drastically reduced physical entrapments, more couples can devote themselves fully to the gospel and its ministries, making spiritual “children” rather than physical ones. It very well could and should be a means to make disciples of all nations, which is the church’s current assignment. The fear I usually hear iterated is basically “if we endorsed that sort of thing, people would become selfish, irresponsible, and unprofitable instead of better Christians.” This again, presupposes the unbiblical assumption that raising a family makes us holy. It can, it also cannot. Singlehood can or cannot as well, and those who make an idol of it are no worse than those who make an idol of marriage. Staggering condescension to claims of how much of God’s truth Christians can handle aside, this claim dismisses those fulfilling this Biblically revered calling at the expense of a traditional family life which Matthew 19:29 specifically lists as a choice they'll be rewarded a hundredfold for. We walk by faith and not by sight (2 Cor 5:7). God said marriage was very good, and he said being celibate for the sake of the kingdom is even better. People choosing lifelong celibacy, postponing marriage, remaining single after a marriage has dissolved, or choosing voluntary childlessness inside marriage is not a liability, it is an incredible asset to God’s kingdom, one he rewards. In traditional Christian norms of sexual purity, these trends in society and the church are an incredible opportunity for the message of the Gospel to spread outside of the social bubbles family-style church is prone to, protected from uncomfortable outgroups. When you’re riding solo, every group is something of an outgroup, which intensifies the intimacy of relationship you have with Christ. Needless to say, that dynamic isn’t something the majority works well in, which the Bible is very aware of, but a significant minority do, and they should be encouraged, supported, and celebrated in it. If the verses on eunuchs or celibacy are simply a tag at the end, a disclaimer, you’re not teaching the Bible’s wisdom on how to choose that path in life. With all the resources available on marriage, there should be a comparable amount given to aspects of singleness, in its different forms: how to incorporate it into your life and live it out for God’s glory. The lack thereof is an egregious oversight given our cultural moment, especially given the fact that birth control was old before I was even born. It’s not a new idea, it’s simply marginalized. Michael A. Grisanti, professor of Old Testament at Master’s University, in “Birth control and the Christian” cites James 1:27 as grounds for voluntary childlessness, as well as health concerns (1 Cor 6, temple maintenance is part of Christian duty), although I believe we would differ on further points. https://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/childless-missionaries-by-design In this 6 minute John Piper clip, he also affirms voluntary childlessness for those seeking to devote their lives to the church, and (though I don’t want to criticize his handling in any way) it’s treated like a backdoor, special pass of approval that only certain people are allowed to have, when it ought to be more like the Mandalorians, frequently re-iterating “this is the way.” In his more reflective, focused study on the subject in “The Meaning of Marriage” he gives it the emphasis it deserves. This shows the gap between social concessions to culture and the influence it leads to on individuals, versus a careful, thoughtful study of the word. When that much effort is input, the conclusions I put forward are common and unremarkable. Almost all Christians use birth control in some form these days, which is why it’s unusual to have 13 kids anymore. However the riches of truth on the value of singlehood are buried deep in the libraries that few ever get to. In the practice of dealing with real people, marriage is the favorite child, while singlehood is the red-headed step-child. This can only contribute to the denigration of marriage, not its betterment. If you think you’re more balanced than scripture on an issue, you are mistaken. My imperative is to promote biblical singlehood to the degree of importance scripture gives it, not the degree church culture gives it. The problem I sense here is not confessing to a theology of familial idolatry (although that is a problem to be addressed elsewhere), it's being a hearer and not a doer (James 1:22-25). As Martin Luther King Jr. said of the white moderate "who prefers a negative peace which is the absence of tension to a positive peace which is the presence of justice… who paternalistically believes he can set the timetable for another man's freedom… Shallow understanding from people of good will is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will. Lukewarm acceptance is much more bewildering than outright rejection." The problem I face when discussing this with others is not any direct rejection, it’s quiet, accepting dismissal. And what is this “negative peace” and “absolute misunderstanding” I rail against? Ingratitude, which Romans 1:21 lays at the root of sin. Ingratitude on the part of singles for their situation, and ingratitude from church community towards them. Whether married or single, in agreement with my other points or not, I think any Christian can agree that gratitude is a truly excellent thing. My call to action would be “be grateful for singleness all around you, in your life and others around you.” Appreciate the unique value it brings to the lives of those with it, and those around them. The more difficult this task is for you, the more important it is for you to generate that gratitude. In other places I plan to expound on the beauty of singlehood, and how voluntarily childless marriages are in some ways the best of both worlds, but this has gone long already, and I want to keep the focus on the cohesive logic in the exposited scripture (contrasted with actual practice). Tepid affirmation of facts while practicing the same traditions nullifies the gospel (Matt 15:7-9). Practicing a view of sex, marriage, and family in a way that downplays what the Bible says is the best way, elevating the natural course, is idolatry. Being grateful for, and proclaiming as beautiful that which scripture says is so, is worship. In that framework, does it really make sense to be telling boys and girls that the Biblical way to evaluate someone as a husband/wife is to evaluate them as a mother/father? If a spouse can help them down a path towards childless sanctification and service, that is a higher calling, not a lower one. Absolutizing a traditional family structure as the Biblical way is abhorrent in the face of the reality of Christ. “Who shall declare his generation?” (Isaiah 53:8) To obscure the marital and family status of Christ is to obscure his humanity. That is not a side issue, it's part of the central gospel message, and to get it wrong is to cloud the gospel. To ignore or marginalize it in the teaching of singles is grossly negligent, at best. So I return to my point about challenging assumptions. It’s not hard to find preachers that will talk about Ephesians 5 and Christ’s bride being the church, and I’m all for that. But not at the expense of singlehood and childlessness. What if we only talked about Christ’s physical singleness, and ignored all the scriptures about his union with the church? Wouldn’t teaching that divorced Christ from marriage be imbalanced and damaging? How can one half be better to marginalize than the other?
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